By Rahul Kumar

Ben: Man, this is a good book.

Joe: What’s it about?

Ben: It’s a collection of famous newspaper articles

Joe: What’s your favorite?

Ben: Probably the one about the unsolved case of a mysterious librarian murder.

Joe: What murder?

Ben: Some librarian, Mrs. Wormwood I think, lost her head for an unknown reason. Inspector Goud M. Luks closed the case because of lack of evidence. Some say she still wanders this town looking for unreturned books (Dramatic score)

Joe: That’s just superstition!

(Librarian sneaks up behind the unsuspecting student’s reading books. She then trips and falls making lots of noise.)

Ben: What was that noise?

Joe: Probably the wind.

(Wormwood charges in screaming "Overdue! 15 cents!" and beats Joe with a book stamp. Joe is beat to the ground dramatically while Ben runs away screaming.

Wormwood: Overdue, 15 cents. Overdue, 15 cents. Overdue, 15 cents....

(Wormwood then comes to a big book)

Wormwood: Overdue, 15 cents.

(Wormwood closes the book and her neck is slashed)

Wormwood: Oh no! Papercut!

(The head falls off)

Narrator: Her soul was vanquished, so she set forward to avenge the public library system and to reclaim all the books that were never returned.

Narrator: Back at Ben’s house, they’re trying to solve the mystery of the

haunting, decapitated cranky old librarian.

Ben: I wonder, how will we ever be able to end the terror of this most horrible decapitated librarian?

Joe: We must leave town before her reign of terror gets us.

Ben: No way! Let’s call that Chief Inspector Goud M. Luks.

Joe: Alright (He picks up the phone and dials)

Hello operator, may I speak to Goud M. Luks?

Operator: Are you really, really sure?

Joe: Yes!

Operator: Are you absolutely, positively, sure?

Joe: Just let me talk to him!

Operator: You’ll regret it.

Goud M. Luks: Yeah, who is it?

Joe: Hi, we’d like you to get over here and help us out on a case.

Goud M. Luks: Didn’t you hear? I need Chief Inspector doughnuts!

Joe: Well I’ve got some right here.

Goud M. Luks: Are they glazed?

Joe: Uh.... maybe.

Goud. M. Luks: I’ll be right there!

(Doorbell rings. Knock, Knock)

Ben: Who’s there?

???: Good

Ben: Good who?

???: Chief Inspector Good M. Looks!

(The door opens and he bursts in)

Ben: I thought your name was Goud. M. Luks

Good M Looks: Well you’re wrong! The name says it all!

Joe: That was the lamest "knock knock" joke I’ve heard!

Good M. Looks: Hey, nobody’s perfect! By the way, where’s the doughnuts?

Joe: I just said that to get you over here.

Good M. Looks: Darn! As long as I’m here, I might as well do something.

(Doorbell rings)

Ben: Who is it now?

???: Pizza boy!

Joe: Wait a minute...I didn’t order pizza!

Good M. Looks: I’ll get it!

(He opens the door and there’s the librarian holding a booking stamp)

Good M. Looks: Hey! You’re not the pizza boy!

Joe: Well duh! Now can we run for it please? That’s the monster!!!

(Joe slams the door in the librarians face and they hide behind a sofa) (Then, someone knocks on the window)

Ben: Who in the world would knock on a window!?

???: Flowers!

Ben: Wow! I love flowers! I’ll get it!

(He opens the window and the librarian is there. Ben shuts the window and runs)

Joe: Hey, did I mention you’re a terrible inspector?

Good M. Looks: At least I’m better looking then you guys!

Ben: I’ve seen tree stumps better looking then you!

(Then, there’s a knocking noise on the closet)

Joe: This is getting weird!

???: Mailman!

Joe: Hey! I’m expecting a package of fuzzy dice! I’ll get it!

(He opens it and finds the librarian inside)

Joe: What do you want anyway!?

Wormwood: All of the overdue books! I must reclaim them all! Only then will I leave

this town alone!

Good M. Looks: How about marrying me instead sugar?

Wormwood: Now why would I want to do a thing like that!?

Good M. Looks: Do you hate these kids?

Wormwood: Uh huh!

Good M. Looks: Then it’s settled, you need a husband anyways, that too should calm your tender soul. You got a lot of food?

(So then, the couple married)

Joe: Do you take this librarian to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Good M. Looks: If she’s got a ton of food then yeah!

Joe: And do you want the same thing Ms. Wormwood?

Wormwood: Sure, as long as you return the books later on!

Joe: Then I’ve got no choice but to declare you weird detective and headless librarian.

Please don’t kiss each other, I’ll have a heart attack...or worse.

(Ben, who was watching the whole thing, screams out loud)

Ben: Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Joe: Guards escort that man out of here! Oh I forgot! We’re too cheap to hire them!

I wonder what kind of babies they’ll have?

(Joe glances around nervously, thinks about it and then screams too)

Joe: Nooo! Their babies are gonna be headless and ugly!